Belding walks into class with great news. Bayside has been chosen to host a pilot program for the California Cadet Corps. Lieutenant Chet Adams (or "Lt. Hunk," as Lisa likes to call him) is in charge of this program, and he's a real hardass. There's discipline and hard work involved, so obviously Zack wants nothing to do with it. Slater volunteers right away, and Zack gets a meeting with Belding.
Belding is finally fed up with Zack's wise cracks and gives him a month's full of Saturday detentions (that's 30 Saturdays people!). Zack protests, and Belding decides to blackmail Zack into joining the cadet corps. It seems he not only has to join, but he also has to fill the class. Easy, right?
Zack stirs up some macho "girls don't belong in the army" debate between Slater and Jessie, which pisses the feminist off and motivates her to sign up right away. Kelly joins because there's a chance of college scholarships (And with a house full of 7 kids, they need all the money they can get. Especially with Kelly's dad laid off), and Lisa joins because she has a major crush on Lt. Hunk. Zack convinces Screech that girls love macho army dudes.
Hazy pink dream sequence! Screech is dressed as Patton I guess, and he throws Butch through the ceiling? And Molly likes him now I guess. What a waste of a perfectly good hazy pink dream sequence.
Zack tries to quit the corps but Lt. Adams offers him a pretty sweet deal because Zack is obviously a born leader. It seems that there's going to be a competition between two teams, and Zack gets to pick the teams. If his team wins, Zack is allowed out of the corps (Why can't he just quit? He's not enlisted. It's high school people). Anyways, here are the rosters:
Red team (Slater): Alan, Screech, Lisa, and Louise
Blue team (Zack): Jessie, Kelly, Butch, and Rocko
Wait a second, that's not fair! Zack has all the jocks. Zack swears the teams are evenly matched, so Lt. Adams throws a curveball. Zack is now in charge of the Red team, and Slater gets the blue team! And these teams are complete opposites. It seems Slater has assembled a mean, lean marching machine. And as for the red team...well. They suck. There's no way this motley crew can win the competition, right? Zack does what anyone would do and quits. I don't blame him, and you wouldn't either if you saw this team.
Screech wines and Zack comes back to whip his team into shape. The competition starts, and apparently black people are really fast on the monkey bars. Lisa beats Jessie. Red 1, Blue 0.
Next up is the rope climb. Slater might be strong, but Louise is quick. And determined. Too bad it doesn't matter. Slater dominates and ties it up. Red 1, Blue 1.
It's Butch vs. Screech in the obstacle course. Screech falls on his face at the very start, giving Butch the easy win. It's Red 1, Blue 2, and things look bad for Zack.
Now it's time for the joust. And they're not facing any ordinary opponent. No, they have to face off against the very mean, fighting machine...the awesome, Beldo! Kelly tricks Belding and knocks him off in 6 seconds, but Zack outfoxes Belding (like he has numerous times before) and knocks him off in two. We're all tied up at Red 2, Blue 2.
It all comes down to the tug of war. Apparently these two teams are evenly matched in strength, and the rope breaks. We move on to the Super. Tug. of. War as the ultimate tie-breaker. Team Blue picks Butch, and Zack shows his confidence in Screech for some reason. Because of his newfound confidence, Screech beats Butch and wins the girl (because in high school when you defeat the bully you also get the girl). Red wins! Red 3, Blue 2. Zack decides to stay in the corps I guess, so what was the point of this whole episode?
QUOTES!
Screech: The bully gets the girl. I get the locker.
Jessie: Why aren't woman allowed on the front line?
Slater: Because we need cooks.
Zack: Women don't belong in the army.
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