Zack is reading "Making Money" magazine, and he's looking for a big idea to become a millionaire before the age of 20. His brilliant idea? Get a 900 number and charge 2 bucks a call. Now they just need a gimmick.
Jessie is reading a "Dear Donna" letter to Lisa, and amazingly Lisa has the exact same advice as the professional! This sounds like a gimmick to make some money. And Zack definitely realizes it. "The Lisa Line" is about to take off.
Also, Kelly's 7th grade sister Nickie has a huge crush on Zack (and let's be honest...who doesn't?). That means...hazy pink dream sequence! The girls are bragging about how Prince Zachary will pick them, and Slater and Screech come in rapping. Seriously. Zack raps about how his girl will be the only one to fit the gold sneaker. Nickie, the poor peasant cleaning floors, miraculously fits the gold sneaker!
Screech is curious how much money our young millionaires are about to make. Let's see, $2 a call, 5 hours a day, 7 days a week = Zack and Slater are rich! Lisa demands half, and for some reason Zack agrees to her ridiculous demands.
We also have a great sub-plot in this episode. The sexual chemistry between Slater and Jessie is killing me. It seems they both had a great time at the prom, but are too stubborn to ask each other out. They finally agree on a date, and the greatest second-string romance in Bayside history is born.
Business is booming at the Teen Line. (Zack has an awesomely fake Australian accent and calls himself "Nitro." Screeh is the Ant Man..."What's bugging you?", and Lisa is a southern belle named Princess.). Meanwhile...Kelly's sister Nickie calls and Zack advises her to follow her heart and go after the man she adores.
Zack's advice backfires and Nickie is head-over-heels in love now. Zack agrees to give her a kiss on the cheek and a hug, and Jessie sees it all. "What a slimeball!"
Meanwhile, the phones at the Teen Line have stopped ringing. I guess because they've given out such great advice. Apparently Lisa has solved everyone's problems. Zack fires Lisa and decides they're going to give bad advice, causing them to call back.
Hilarity ensues. Slater breaks his date with Jessie, and Kelly thinks Zack is dating Nickie. It seems our blond hero has his hands full with two Kapowskis. We should all be so lucky. Kelly calls in, and so does Nickie. Zack gets the lines mixed up and tells Kelly off, and accidentally tells Nickie that he's in charge of the Teen Line and she's the only Kapowski he loves. Uh oh!
A silly string fight breaks out in art class, and Belding gets hit in the face with a pile of clay. He has an intervention in his office, and we find out that the Teen Line is at the root of everyone's problems. Beling gives Zack and ultimatum, and he works to straighten out the problems at Bayside.
Lisa fixes everything, and Zack dresses up as a nerd to get Nickie to fall out of love with him. But his plan backfires. Apparently Nickie is a huge dork. Why isn't she in love with Screech? Zack gives Nickie some real talk and order is restored at Bayside.
WHAT DID WE LEARN TODAY? Don't get a 900 number and then give all your friends bad advice because you will have to fix everything yourself and you won't make any money anyways.
QUOTES!
Slater: Well maybe this hula babe was an oinker.
Jessie: Obviously we don't have to go to a luau to find a pig.
Moose's poetry: "The birds and the bees in the trees don't compare to your knees, Louise."
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