Date Auction

Every student council meeting has one thing in common...screaming teenagers. And this one is no different. It seems the cheerleading squad is in desperate need of new uniforms, but there simply isn't any money. Maybe next year girls. But Kelly has the brilliant idea for a date auction, and everyone's in favor except for Jessie.

Lisa has a new crush (presumably on a guy we'll never see again), and it's Brian, the black leader of the student council. There's a problem though. He's a real intellectual snob, and Lisa is more into fashion than great works of literature.

Slater and Zack debate who's going to bring more in at the date auction. (What do the readers think? Zack's a bigger catch, but Slater would probably appreciate you more). Jessie threatens every girl in school. If they bid on HER Slater, they're dead. Who cares if it's for a good cause.

It's date auction time, and Brian is up. Coincidentally, there are only two black girls bidding on him. Weird. Lisa buys him for 30 bucks, and he's less than thrilled. Next up is Slater, and no one is bidding on him. How humiliating. Kelly feels sorry for him and bids ten bucks for his services. Jessie tries to prove a point and blindly bids 25 bucks on Screech. At least their babies would be really smart.

It's time for the main event. Mr. Zack Morris. And there's a battle for the privilege of a date with the blond Tom Cruise. The fat girl Wendy bids 100 bucks on him. Bummer. Zack is obviously pissed, and he fakes an old back injury. Brilliant.

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Lisa pretends to be smart, and Brian is digging her. Good for them. Fat Wendy knows that Zack's faking his injury and she calls off their date. This makes Zack look like a dick, and this makes the author unhappy. She had no business bidding on him anyways...he's way out of her league.

It's dance time, and Zack is left to sit in the bleachers with the other dateless nerds. Fat Wendy shows up, and Zack apologizes. He feels guilty for lying, and apparently that's not good enough for her. Brian insults all of Lisa's friends, and that's enough for her. She tells him off. "Au revoir, creep!" Kelly shows off the provocative new cheerleading uniforms, and let's just say they don't leave much to the imagination. Zack finally gets fat Wendy to dance with him. Let's just hope he didn't have to put out.

QUOTES!

Slater: It's not good to be afraid of your girlfriend.